Back in June of 2006, former Senator Ted Stevens famously called the internet “a series of tubes.” In his defense, he correctly stated that “[the internet] is not just a big truck,” which I have been told is true.

So what if a sweet old man with a lifetime of experience and millions of dollars of resources at his disposal to understand the greatest force in the world since the invention of fire doesn't quite get it right?

So what if the best way he can describe the intertubes is a fragmented rant about an email, which he called an “internet,” comparing it to trucking and plumbing? So what if it is not quite adequate to say that the internet is a series of tubes?  Oh yeah, he's in charge of regulating it. What do you want to bet the only thing he can do with those tubes is tie them up?

Apparently Jon Stewart's valiant efforts to point out the wisdom of the oracles in the ivory tower hasn't stopped them from plodding along in their stupidity of thinking that the internet is a series of tubes. I guess it takes a few generations for natural selection to work its way out.

FCC Wants To Control The Series Of Tubes

Janet Napoleontano has proposed that the FCC don their plumbers uniforms, and get to work tying the intertubes to prevent the seeding of any harmful ideas over the interwebs. Ironically, Ms. Napoleon made this announcement at a recent gathering of the American Constitution Society for law and policy.

I don't know whether that proposal is more un-American, un-constitutional, anti-social or illegal. It is definitely policy so I guess it was allowed.

Congress Wants To Control The Series Of Tubes

Other governmental bodies are throwing themselves into the fight as well. Senator Lieberman has introduced Senate Bill 3480 Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset Act of 2010. This bill would allow the president to control or shut down portions of the internet during times of national emergency.

Homeland security would, under the bill, have the power to declare which private companies were dependent on the internet and then subject those companies to complete government control.  Lieberman still is describing the internet as electronic pipelines.

The bill would also allow the government to monitor the security status of a lot of different things like websites, etc. Under this law, private companies would have to give over information about their users and customers to the Federales on demand if they want to continue to operate. Who needs cloak and dagger when you can be a bully in broad daylight.

What Can You Do?

The first thing you can do is say "Hey Ms. Napoleon, please don't tie our tubes!" The FCC is supposed to accept public comments on their proposals even though they don't actually have to listen.  You can also write to your Senator. I would say to email them but they are probably afraid of computers because they steal their souls or something.

Conclusion

The best thing you can do is boycott their systems. Use cash instead of credit cards, engage in lawful hawala transactions, open private offshore bank accounts, buy gold and vanish from their silly little system.